I'm better off!!!!!

I figured I may as well explain the situation and put it out there for people to know. Some of you knew what was going on...but some didn't so here is the quick version of the last 3 months of my life.

Two days after my birthday, I met a guy named Ryan through a mutual friend. From the instant we saw each other it seemed perfect. We just got a long so great and had awesome chemistry. (Not like normal we really really got a long) Our first date was the typical dinner and a movie. We laughed, we flirted, we figured out that we for sure wanted to go out again. So, we did...we talked EVERY single day without fail. I got a goodnight text EVERY single night. We started to see each other 2-3 times a week. He would tell me I was beautiful, he made me feel special! Our dates were fun, casual...the relationship was just so easy! No drama, no fighting, it seemed as if it was a match made in heaven! He was divorced for about a year and would tell me that he was scarred and that he had walls. So, I respected that and let him be in the drivers seat and just thought that when he was ready to commit to me then he would. I wanted to make sure that I wasn't pushy. That I gave him time to make sure that I was what he truly wanted. We acted as if we were boyfriend and girlfriend...without the official title! 3 months had gone by and things still seemed to be going pretty well.
Monday night I texted him asking if he was watching the Jazz game. He said he was...so after a few exchanged texts he replied with... "I'm sort of on a date right now." I replied with "Oh..I'm sorry" and then it was left. An hour or so later i received the worst text ever. It said..."I think you should know I started seeing someone. It was unexpected and happened really fast." I wrote back with "Wow, I'm shocked." a few more angry texts were sent and then he called me around 12:30 am to explain himself.
He kept saying...this is probably just a fling, easy come easy go. We talked for about a half hour and he basically told me that if i had told him how i felt that he and i would be boyfriend and girlfriend. I told him i wasn't good at expressing how i feel and that I showed him how i felt. He said he thought i just wanted to be friends with benefits. I said oh please.. the things i did with you, i would never do with a friend.
Well....let's just say its been really rough. My heart was/is broken! I was accused of sending evil emails to girls on his facebook, of taking pictures with my friend Kevin at the jazz game to make him jealous. Just all these crazy accusations that weren't fair.



I have had so many people reach out to me. Shelly sent me some beautiful flowers Tuesday. Emily Stone came and brought sushi in bed on Tuesday night. Emily sent me beautiful roses on Wednesday. Emails, texts, my family has been so great to just let me cry to them and talk things out.... :)

Last night...he came by and we talked face to face. We had a good long hour conversation and seemed to have mended things.He asked me If i thought he and I were dating and I replies with "heck ya" and he said so did he. Then he asked If i thou gt he and I were in a relationship. And i replied with "To a degree yes!" He agreed and said in some way this feels like a break up...which I agree with 100%. He also told me that what he and I had was so great that is scared him. That we had so much chemistry, and that we got along so well that he wasn't ready for anything like that with me. If that is true then why would I want someone who would hold back on me and not want to love me because it was "too good". He was in the dog house for even coming to see me last night. His girlfriend he said was extremely jealous of me and was having a really hard time that he was going to see me. She thought I was going to come on to him.haha I think its funny! She said she needed to be alone for the night that if he came and saw me that they needed to not see each other the rest of the night. Wow, good luck with that one Ryan! haha... I know he and I will never date again. To much hurt has been put in this. But he wants to stay friends and you know...I don't know if i can do that right now.
I'm not going to let this make me take steps backward. I'm going to continue to move forward and not put my walls higher than they already are. I guess I've learned a lot and I'm coming out a better person realizing that he is not what i wanted after all. As a sweet wise person told me last night. "Be grateful god knows you more than you do". So here I am 4 days later and I'm moving on. SO... If any of you know a great guy...hook a girl up! :)
Thanks to all who have supported me a long the way! I have amazing people who love me! ")