I am usually very private about my feelings on this subject and all in all i consider myself closed off. (If you know me well you know how to read my face and you know exactly what I'm feeling at that moment.) But I'm not one to come out and say it! I've just been doing A LOT of reflecting lately. Usually this time of year when the holidays are over and i get one year older i sit and think about where i am in my life. Now don't get me wrong, i think i have a great life. There are plenty of people around me that i see what they go through and am grateful for my trials. But sometimes i just need to express my feelings.
*5 years ago today my fiance and i ended things. It was ugly, it was hard, it was emotionally draining and to this day i still feel effects of it! I don't dwell on it everyday but i have my days!
*Because of the experience above i have put up walls and not let many people into my life! I haven't officially been asked out on a date in 5 years, haven't kissed a boy in five years, and i know that is my fault. Now 5 years have passed and i wonder if maybe i let to MUCH time pass.
*Lonely, i can be in a room full of people and still feel lonely. Believe me i would take this feeling over being in a bad relationship. But, its still hard and frustrating at times.
After saying all that, I know I have a great life and that I am surrounded by so many wonderful people who love and care about me. Thanks to everyone who has helped me in some way or another go through this trial. I truly do love my life and know that I am where I am for a reason. God's timeline is an amazing thing!!!!! I have seen it work in many ways, friends and family who kept having miscarriages get pregnant, friends finding the person they love whether they were young or older. He is mindful of all of us!
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5 comments:
Happy New Year Suz! When you are having "one of those days" - just remember that you are better off and that perfect person will come one day and those walls won't be there for him to climb over. When you meet him..you will know it is right. Here's hoping you get some lip action soon. ;) Miss you!
I still have so much respect for you for getting out of that situation! I know how hard it was for you but now you are better off! I love you Suz!
Wow, I didn't know that you had been engaged!
K, so I found another guy for you to date. It's a looong story. There are actually two guys and they are brothers so if one doesn't work out....
just kidding. Anyway, they both live in Southern California so when are you going out there next?
One is a younger surf bum/teacher who loves to chill (Grant). The other is older and more "business minded" and dates more (Paul). Frankly I haven't met either of them but I trust my source. I'd go for Grant - he sounds hot.
They are on facebook. Last name D@vis.
Cheers and happy NEW YEAR!
I agree about how much courage you had getting out of that situation. I'm sure it would have almost been easier to go through with it. I know you are so much better off!!!
I, like Denice hope you get some lip action soon! You deserve it.
loves.
Dang it! They say good things come to those who wait. Let's hope this year Heavenly Father will realize you've waited long enough! :) As for Tom....grrr! I am SO thankful things didn't work out for you. He didn't deserve you AT ALL! You deserve WAAAAY better. Hang in there. Your day is coming!
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