***DISCLAIMER: If you Married, Engaged, Pregnant or Have Children, I'm not talking about you specifically!!! :)***
I'm really sorry I try and keep my blog upbeat and happy but sometimes I feel like I need to get out my frustrations! And I feel like if I write these things down i will remember how I felt later in life. This is also like my journal...so here it goes!
Do you ever feel like there is no end to this frustration? Like you are swimming in a big dark hole and can't find your way out! That is exactly how i feel right now! Life just seems to be completely unfair! I am a 29 year old girl who just wants to be a wife and mother. And i know I will make an amazing wife and mother at that. It's so hard to sit back and watch all the people you love have what you desperately want so bad. Every time someone announces their engagement or says they are having a baby, it breaks my heart just a little bit! I feel empty, like there is this huge gaping hole and nothing can fix it!
In my house and family for the past YEAR we have been breathing weddings and babies! And I'm so happy for them i really am and would never want it any other way, BUT it still stings and hurts. I would never expect anyone ANYONE to put their lives on hold for me or not be happy cause I seem sad.
This week is a particularly hard week for me. This Saturday on the 20th would have been my 6th wedding anniversary. I know, as everyone says its a good thing you didn't marry him. I know! But it still hurts and it still bothers me. The bottom line is...I'm alone! I'm all alone! And I hate the waiting and the patience game. It's not an easy road. I feel like everywhere I turn someone is telling me that they are engaged or pregnant.
Life just isn't fair sometimes and I just wish there was a magic cure! The only thing I can do is keep on keeping on! I'm good at putting on a poker face most of the time. But i just had to get out my frustration. It's been a harder day than most today and I'm just trying to keep my head above water!
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4 comments:
Dear One-of-My-Favorite-People-Ever,
I can't even imagine how you are feeling, though it's obvious that it hurts your sweet heart. I'm so sorry that you have this deep sadness--I wish there was something I could do to fix it.
On a happy note (from my perspective), there are some Beehives who are about to get the treat of their lives!
God bless and keep you. He loves you so much. I KNOW this, because I do, too!
Aundrea! You are so sweet... thank you for that. I really needed to hear that.
And yes, I can't wait to be the beehive advisor and have those sweet girls teach me so many things! :)
I hate when people say they understand but really they have no clue, but I feel like I really do understand. Even though we have great, fun, exciting lives, it is not plan A at all. Lately I feel a little like my life is closer to plan Z than to plan A. I could write all the things we have heard a bazillion times, but we all know that stuff. I went to the turnberry ward today and heard a great talk about timing. We all know it's true, but it's so good for me to hear over and over and over again. Next time you feel sad call me because I'm pretty sure I'll be feeling the same thing, and if you have any advice for getting through my sister's wedding and my other sister's baby #2 let me know. I'm pretty sure there will be tears involved. We still need to go lunch/dinner/something.
Your time will come! The best is always saved for last! Girl, you are going to be such an maazing wife and mother!!
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