What Now?

By no means do I want pity. And by no means am I asking for sympathy.

I just need to express my feelings...

Have you ever felt that no matter what you do...it's just not good enough?

We have all probably been in similar situations where, someone comes out ahead of you. Or you were so close yet so far at the same time.

Maybe it was something you worked really hard to accomplish but then when the time came...you didn't do as well as you had hoped.

I feel as if this keeps happening to me.

I didn't know I could create so many tears as I have in the past week.

I have turned to my family and friends for help because I know that without them...

I wouldn't be able to stand on my own two feet.

The feeling of vulnerability is one of the scariest things...

and to have to depend on others is even scarier. (for me at least)

I have turned to my Heavenly Father.

The scriptures.

And to my testimony. (It's times like this that I'm grateful for the foundation of my existing testimony)

But what do you do when you feel that somehow all of that just isn't good enough?

What do you do when you feel all you have worked for isn't good enough?

How do you go from being so comfortable and safe to scared and completely confused?

Those are just a few of the things running through my head.

I know I have talents and ambitions.

But I also know my limitations...

no one has ever said to me "you can't do that, you aren't smart enough."

I have never felt that being a dental assistant was a job to be embarrassed of.

I have taken pride in my job.

Excelled in my job.

Worked hard at my job.

My work has been my family. Past and present employees.

So what happens when you feel like that is no longer an "acceptable" thing for you to be doing?

(If i had it my way...I would have stopped being a Dental Assistant years ago and have been raising children by now)

But unfortunately I have to look at other options.

Life hasn't dealt me the cards I thought it would. But I have made the best of it. Put a smile on my face (always) and have NEVER given up.

So what happens when you feel like giving up?

You feel like it just doesn't seem to be enough?

You just keep on keeping on...

I AM good at that.

I just need the strength and faith to do it.

I literally feel physical pain, emotional pain and stress beyond belief.

So what now?

Where do I go now?

Only time will tell...

*Insert prayers for Suzie here*